Friday, January 06, 2006

Arbeit Macht Frei!

Yesterday I returned to work after a month of blissful freedom. So traumatic was this transition that I fell ill the night before with a clutch of psychosomatically-induced symptoms, including fever, all-over body pains and an intensely sore throat. Alternatively, this might well have been tonsilitis brought on by suppressing my immune system with as much time on the lash as was humanly possible before starting back. Either way it's work's fault.
I am now officially a SHO in Care of the Neurofucked, albeit a slightly ill one. Since my hallowed instituition is a tertiary centre, everybody is intensely clever. So clever, in fact, that if they hear hooves then they just know it's gotta be a zebra. Being so terribly clever, we only deal with the really big cases. To get through our doors, it's no good just being neurofucked - no, let the plebs in the other hospitals deal with that. Baby, if you wanna hang with the wunderkinder then you gotta get yourself neurodoublefucked, and preferably in a confusing way. We got lapdancers that still groove away in their encephalitic comas; we got stiffmen that shuffle about like mannequins; and we got peeps who went to bed normal and woke up tetraplegic by the dozen. Furrowed brows are very much the order of the day.
Being a tertiary centre, we also only deal with the biggest egos. It ain't no good being a genius if everybody else doesn't know it. The consultant ward-round is the battlefield on which the big beasts of Neurofuckedology lock horns in a grand game of one-up-manship. The SHO reads out the details of some poor neurofucked's case; the beasts comtemplate a moment; then the games begin.
"Well, it's Whipple's encephalitis as sure as I'm the world's expert on it!"
"Really, John! This is as much a case of Whipple's encephalitis as I am a prima ballerina!".
"Oh come on, Thomas, it's obviously tuleraemia! And what's all this nonsense about West Nile Fever anyway".
"Look chaps, I think it's pretty clear here that what we're dealing with is a cocaine-induced vasculitis super-imposed on a rabies encephalitis with an added akinetic-rigid component - I mean what the hell else could it be, you blithering idiots!"
Of course, nothing is actually decided about what to do next, but at least we all know who is the cleverest neurobeast of all by who came up with the most far-out and unlikey diagnosis. Yes...I definately think I'm gonna like this job.

8 Comments:

Blogger vegas said...

I did the same job in a different hospital. Before that, I had wanted to go into Neurology. And soon after I started the job, I started my blog. Now I want to throw in the towel.

11:23 pm  
Blogger freedom said...

I am commenting here about what you wrote on the NHSBLOGDOCTOR site.

Sorry to be a little frank but who the hell do you think you are to call the nasty paedophilic rapes which have messed up much of my life "almost delusional" and state I "appear to think" these have lead to my circumstances?

They would be delusional were they not factual events that really happened, I agree, but they happened. They went untreated at the time and the physical damage I suffered and worked around until I asked for help later in life, upon discovering these things.

As to "no anatomical basis" for my musculoskeletal problems, they have been described as unique and complex and challenging by consultants far more experienced than you. Can you not see the vertebrae of my neck are mis-shapen? My Osteopath has commented on this, having seen all the scans, independently of my saying it. Can you not see the spinous process of L5 has collapsed up into that of L4? There are anular tears on the L3/4 and L4/5 intervertebrael disks caused by the collapse of my lumbar spine/sacrum but I have not posted detailed scans of these. The disk between the 4th and 5th Lumbar vertebrae is now quite severly damaged.

Only my left psoas works - it is part of the balancing compensations that kept me going until my body was messed up by quick, innapropriate thinking such as you have displayed.
Because of such thinking, I was given innapropriate physiotherapy when I first went for treatment. This destabilised a complex set of compensations and I have never physically recovered from that intervention.

Unfortunately many doctors think of themselves in a rather god-like manner. If you want to prove yourself a human being I suggest we get together somewhere with a full copy of these scans and a good cup of coffee, after which you might have some basis upon which to make or retract the comments you swiftly arrived at.

I fear for you that you will hurt many, many patients, unknowingly and unnecessarily unless you buck up your ideas.

Matthew Jee

12:49 pm  
Blogger freedom said...

Sorry the above is for your buddy the Pink Psychiatrist ... I should have made that clear - I hope you will be kind enough to send it to him.

Also sorry for the typo in blogdoc's comments ... I did note you were a venial rather than venal sinner but was boiling a bit at your pal's terrifically bad thinking and insulting approach. My typing gets awful when I get mad.

Cheers

Matthew Jee

12:54 pm  
Blogger The Venial Sinner said...

I will, of course, pass it on to him. He's the Psychiatrist, not me, so I'll leave it to him to reply if he wishes.

5:34 pm  
Blogger freedom said...

Thanks. I appreciate that. I found what he did highly unprofessional. It was also a great leap to his conclusion from the evidence infront of him. Extrapolation is always risky.

Best Wishes

Matthew Jee

ps the 50% figure of NHS Shrinks suffering NPD my friend says he has reviewed and actually its nearer 75%. I have no idea if what he says is true, and obviously, he is talking only of those he has met.

6:20 pm  
Blogger freedom said...

Dear Venialsinner,

please would you be kind enough to email me your flatmates name and address so I can forward it to the GMC. Alternatively you may do so yourself to the contact details on NHSBLOGDOCTOR. He could, of course, do the right thing and let them know who he is himself.

I think it is important the issues that emerged receently find completion through the appropriate channels. I have fully explained why on NHSBLOGDOCTOR.

Best wishes

Matthew

6:20 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Psychiatry cannot treat the illness if they do not know what the illness is. Try caffeine allergy, as it can present with fever, muscle pains, anxiety, commonly abnormal lab tests, and it is being diagnosed as ADHD and mental illness because psychiatrists, though medical doctors, focus on the mental not the entire picture.

5:40 am  
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7:30 am  

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